


Are you afraid of me?

by Jesusboi



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Akechi Goro Lives, Akira has a nightmare of Akechi hurting him, Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Blood and Injury, Body Horror, Bone Breaking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Heavy Angst, Injury, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Consensual Hugging, Non-Consensual Touching, Obsessive Behavior, Panic Attacks, Persona 5 Spoilers, Violence, Worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:35:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jesusboi/pseuds/Jesusboi
Summary: Maybe one day he was going to be okay, when he was going to finally stop being afraid of Akechi - the love of his life.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 87





	Are you afraid of me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This story might be upsetting to some readers, please check the tags. This is slightly edited, but I hope that you will like it. Enjoy! ❤️

There were times when Akira would fall asleep in his soft bed and be met with the demons from his past. The most dangerous one of course had always been Goro Akechi - _the love of his life._  
  


When he looked around he realized that everything around him was in the noir shade. He was not sure where exactly the small glimpse of light was coming from, but even in the pitch of darkness he could still see his own hands, body and shadow on the ground. Raven was dressed in his home clothes: casual black jeans with a hoodie. He could remember himself wearing this outfit a lot ever since putting on school uniform stopped being a daily necessity. The boy was older now with his own apartment, going to university and working on several part-time jobs in order to support himself. 

Life was tough to anyone. Even though you could say that Akira Kurusu had been living with the most balanced, peaceful routine.. there was one persistent struggle that clawed at his head like a desperate parasite - **nightmares**. Every single day it felt like he was getting less and less sleep, and each morning he would wake up with dark circles around his eyes and one hell of a lifeless face expression. Ann once told him to go see a doctor, because concealer with glasses were not enough to deceive her at this point, but he refused. 

Just same as every single time these dreams started off with calm, reassuring setting. There was indeed a comforting charm in the nothingness that Akira had enjoyed. What he did not like was not seeing the end of it; never able to find the wall to lean on or an exit to follow through. He preferred small places rather than the large ones, because knowing where his physical limits stood was satisfying. It was _grounding_ in a sense. 

That was when _it_ happened. 

The distant sound of clicking heels that slowly approached him with a buzzing itch of danger. He knew who these steps had belonged to; Akira would be unable to forget the pace of the man’s feet. He could still remember hearing the exact same thing on the cold day of November season during his interrogation with Sae Nijima. But that was years ago, and he hadn’t had a nightmare about these events for a long while, so _why was it coming back now?_ He could only wonder as raven braced himself to look his fear straight in the eyes. The ex-thief twisted around his body, meeting no other but Goro Akechi who had maniacal gaze of a monster. 

The ace detective’s body was well-built, and even through his uniform you could see the obvious muscles in his arms. He was around the same height as Akira himself, just a tad bit taller by few centimeters. Brunet’s face was tilted slightly up which created an effect of him looking down at his opponent; that also forced on a belief that Akechi was the one in control of what was happening in this subconscious world of terror. The detective’s face was pale, same as most of his features were dulled in color except for his crimson eyes. In the darkness that surrounded them - these poisonous crystals looked like they were filled with fire of thrill. His eyebrows were knitted together in a mocking expression, which was accompanied with a sick grin that would not stop stretching further apart. For a moment raven was concerned that his face was going to tear at the edges of his lips, but he chose to remain silent about his concern over the matter. 

“Akira..” Whispered Akechi; his voice sounded silvery and musical, which did not sit right with the ex-thief. Such pretty face and sound should not have belonged to a serial killer. This was wrong on so many levels, yet that was the exact representation of the ace detective that he got to know well over the years of his difficult life, “ _Akira_..” Hearing his own name being said with such passion, repeated over and over again like a mantra was _disturbing_. Raven took a step back in automatic defense, “Akira... Akira.. _Akira_.” He stopped. Silence instantly followed that made the nerves in Akira’s stomach swirl his insides like a knife. 

_Was Akechi waiting for him to say something? Could that have been a case?_ But he did not feel like speaking at the moment, plus, he did not want to say something _wrong_ and cause this to become worse than what it already had been. All that Akira could do was stare in fear and pray that soon his alarm was going to ring and wake him up. 

“Are you scared?” the answer would have been ‘ _yes_ ’, but the ex-thief chose to remain quiet, “You must be.” Akechi concluded for himself while letting out a raspy chuckle; it sounded forced, not because he found their encounter amusing, but because he felt the need to ease the tension, “Fear looks good on you.” The bubble of ease from just a second ago had popped like a crack on the glass, “I _love_ it. The way how your body is trembling at the mere sight of me—“ the brunet took one step forward meanwhile raven mirrored his action by taking a step back, “—the way how cold your skin gets at the thought of me being close to you when you don’t want to.” The detective was walking a lot faster now; going straight towards his target. 

That was when a switch was flipped in Akira’s mind and he took off running. Instant frustration filled him up as it felt like he was unable to go at his full speed. Gravity was pressing him further into the ground, making his legs feel like they were half paralyzed. Taking in breaths felt more challenging with each passing moment as weight was coming down on him; and suddenly the place did not feel as open anymore. The thief felt trapped, not even knowing in which direction to run while he blindly headed straight forward in hesitation but without holding back.

His whole form had flinched when he felt his head bump against something. It was soft, like fabric and warm to touch. In front of him was a _person_ , and once he looked up - he was met with no other but _Akechi_. He must have tricked the boy to run in a circle which led him back to where he came from. Before Akira could even consider running away once again, a pair of two big, strong arms wrapped themselves around his torso like restrictive chains; refusing to let him go. 

“You’re so light.” Akechi whispered, pressing himself closer as the other struggled to get away. He did not want to be touched, he wanted to be left alone, “So cold. So lonely, hm?” The detective was ignoring all of his struggles, while raising his right hand to tangle it in between other’s locks. Brunet gently stroked fluffy, soft head while scratching thief’s scalp with his short nails. The waves of pleasure at that felt like electricity being shot through his whole body, and slowly Akira felt himself syncing into the addictive feeling. If he were a cat, maybe he would even purr at what was happening. 

_But he did not like this._ He did not like being forced to submit with physical force of such sort. _Why was his own mind playing such cruel games with him? Why was it fooling around?_ Trying to tell him that he was helpless and weak. That nobody was going to come in and help him.

Nobody was going to save him from this hell.

At the same time, the more gentle touches began to melt into his brain - the lighter he began to feel. Like a heavy stone began to get slowly lift up from his chest; letting him take in a full breath of air once again. The vision in his eyes blurred and became hazy; most of his focus went to senses. Everything around him smelled like _Akechi_. There was a scent of blood and honey. The two liquids mixed together sounded so disgusting yet taunting. Exactly how he would have described the other boy - _bloodied sugar._

“You’re such a _doll_.” Brunet was still going. It did not even look like he was addressing Akira anymore, he was speaking to nobody in particular while voicing out his thoughts. Meanwhile raven felt himself fall deeper into the trance that the detective was putting him in. 

The gentle scratches of nails that sent tinges from the back of his head to the neck and down to his spine felt weirdly addictive. There was warmth around him - Akechi’s hands held him secure in a hold like he was scared the other would vanish the moment he would let him go - it bloomed over his nerves, and calmed him. His stomach still felt like it was flipping upside down because instinct of danger was _still_ present. 

This was so messy and confusing. 

**_“So breakable.”_ **

And that was when Akira felt his heartbeat rise as the embrace began to feel _too_ tight. The hands of the detective were trying to squeeze the life out of him, and they were soon succeeding. He felt so small and vulnerable, a sudden need to cry from pain and overwhelming emotions washed over his common sense and ability to think straight. The hug had tightened once more; the raven’s eyes went wide as it was slowly getting hard to take in the air. The pressure from both sides sent pain through his ribs and other bones near - crushing them together in a painfully slow manner. 

He began attempting to kick his legs, but the more he moved the less he could breathe, meanwhile nothing was stopping the detective from what he was doing. There was a sharp pain stabbing Akira right in the chest area and at both sides of his torso. The panic began to seriously settle in, and he opened his mouth to scream, cry, talk, _anything_ \- But there was no voice coming out. 

From fear he felt like his feet were being tickled with petite needles that told him to run. His body was probably reacting to the situation while attempting to send him into a fight or flight mode. But it was _so_ slow, because Akechi began to lean his whole weight onto the other and for a moment it felt like brunet was twice as big than before. Raven was not giving up; he began to attempt on wiggling away, moving around his head or loudly gasping in hopes of changing detective’s mind or snapping him out of it.

The pain from distant became alarming in seconds as there was more power put into the embrace. He knew that his rival was strong, but who would have thought that it was this much. At the weak, pathetic tries to take a breath in that began to come out from his cherry lips were dry, petite coughs. His form was violently shaking as he felt himself going into shock, mind racing with red flags and terror. The ex-thief did not even realize that he was crying until he felt tears aggressively streaming down his cheeks. It wasn’t much, but it made his eyes feel _uncomfortable_. _Itchy_. All he could do in the moment was wait until it was going to be over. 

A _snap_ of something inside of him that was followed with an internal echo in his mind made him almost lose it. He was now willingly crying, sobbing even, which made breathing even more difficult than before. _It hurt._ Everything was hurting and he thought for a second that he was going to faint - or wake up - from the caused pain alone. Another loud crack but on the opposite side. That was when realization hit him like a truck. _Were those the sounds of his ribs? Did the brunet just now broke his ribs?_ _With a hug?_ He could not think properly because the wound felt sore and agonizing, but the pressure from a hug was rubbing it further into the body which forced a cry of pain from Akira as the freshly broken bone was cutting into internal flesh. 

The warmth of other’s body now felt like it was all over the place, as he began to sweat. He was burning up. Akira’s cheeks flushed with peach, and his ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton balls. Even though everything around was hot, the inside of his body felt like it was freezing. Akechi decided to take a single look down while applying the same amount of strength as before; smirking with a pleased look once his eyes caught an unimaginable sight before him. 

Messed up doll with a dull face. A small kitten that was getting crushed by a predator. An undeniably cunning thief being punished by the true justice. He was the only one to be ever given a chance to see this, and that was what had made it so special and exciting. The detective did not even realize how his lips had stretched into a smile once again; but he could totally recognize this feeling. The dominance of the act and rarity. Akira was a jewel worth millions and billions. If raven’s face was flushed from _pain_ , Akechi’s face was flushed from _happiness_. 

_Was this happiness?_ He was unsure, but it felt good. He wanted to feel more of that. More. His hands tightened around Akira, making the boy in front of him let out yet another pained whine that made brunet’s heart pick up its pace. Was this supposed to be considered _intimate? Loving? Caring?_ He squeezed the thief more, wanting to swallow him up if he could just like a black hole in the space. Letting go would be _so_ _wrong._ Akira jumped as another popping sound was heard and soon he screamed from pain. It was a short scream, that quickly enough was cut off with the lack of oxygen in the system. The next time he held Akira closer he felt something wet staining his shirt and soon his nostrils were hit with a fresh iron scent. 

His hands had finally loosened around Akira, but held him by his shoulders in a tight grasp. The raven’s lips had turned bluish color and there was blood leaking out from his mouth down his chin. He was still breathing through his nose, but it was weak and small. Thief’s eyes were closed, but most likely he was still conscious and aware of what was happening. At least just a bit.

“A _pretty_ doll.” Smiled Akechi, as he sat down on the ground while dragging raven with him. Soon enough he positioned the thief in between his legs while hugging him close once again. He rested his chin on top of other’s head, this time focusing more on caressing rather than breaking his lover’s bones, “So docile.. Aren’t you sweet like that? All quiet, just like always, but with small gasps of pain here and there. _Perfect_. Pain looks so _good_ on you, Akira. If only I could, I’d always bring you agony just to savor the sight again and again.” He laid down, making the thief rest himself on top of him, “Wouldn’t you let me break you further? Would you? _I know,_ you would. _Of course,_ you would. You’ve always been a masochist, and I found that _so_ cute. I’m more of a sadist, don’t you think we fit just right? Don’t you think we were meant to be? Like _soulmates_.” He exhaled deeply, “Is that what it’s like to find your soulmate? I adore this. I won’t let you go then.” 

He suddenly flipped them around - making himself position on top and Akira on the bottom. The thief let out a whine of pain, slow pants and teary eyes made Akechi blush with fury. Meanwhile all raven did was look up in pure fear, he could not even remember the last time when he had been this terrified for what was about to come. _When was he going to wake up? Why was this nightmare taking so long?_

And that was when an appalling idea nested in his head: what if this was reality of some sort? What if this was real and he was facing an actual danger at the moment?! Akira mentally shook his head, that was simply impossible. He had to stay logical and rational. He had to wake up and now! This was getting out of control and his worries were transforming into genuine delusions! 

“You’ve got such pretty eyes, Akira.” Akechi was still going with this worshiping as he cupped the boy’s face. His thumb traced circles around the thief’s cheek; feeling the softness of one’s skin under his touch, “So pretty, I’m jealous of you.” The detective leaned in while pressing their foreheads together, “Deep breaths, doll. Breathe in-“ Akira found himself actually going along with this. Detective must have noticed that the broken ribs had done their damage, “-and out. _Good_. In-“ There was a hand tangled in his hair again; softly pulling and caressing the noir locks while easing the thief away into another trance just like before, “-and out. What a _good_ doll. _Very_ good.” 

Akechi pulled away, admiring the other with a crazy look in his eyes. It was like he had multiple ideas on what to do next, and could not settle with a single one. His pupils dilated all of a sudden; movement stiffed and the hand pulled away from Akira’s face. The thief felt gentle scratching behind his ear and at the back of his neck which relaxed his muscles and mind. He was slowly melting into nowhere, giving in to what was happening without fighting back anymore. The brunet must have been enjoying this. 

The world went spinning once again as Akechi formed his free hand into a fist and aimed it right at raven’s face. The shock instantly spread through his whole body, alarming him with pain and panic. His vision had black spots in it, and the part around his eye almost instantly had gone numb to the outside stimuli. It felt like the detective had crushed his whole eyeball with how much it was pulsing. The tears were back on Akira’s face, as he bit down on his lower lip and just cried. The softness in this violence was shattering something inside of him. 

That was when another punch came, but this time it targeted his _nose_. The agonic jolt of pain stunned the thief; his legs uncontrollably jerked as a loud crack was heard that echoed around the never-ending darkness. A scream erupted from his lungs, because it felt like his eyes were burning and everything was too much to handle all of a sudden. He had a blue eye, broken ribs and now a broken nose on top of the whole list. 

“You’re still pretty.” Hearing this voice once again sent shivers down his spine, “Doll.. Doll.. _Doll_..” he tsked at the end, like something disappointing had just happened that ruined his fun with the raven, “You know.” He spoke with a more serious tone, “What is it like to be so deeply in love with me that you would actually let me do this to you? Would you still forgive me?” He lifted up Akira’s hand and stared at his fingers, “Would you have forgiven me if I would break these? Or take your nails perhaps?” The detective leaned forward - which caused Akira to try and flinch away - while pulling raven’s lips to reveal a row of beautiful, white teeth, “Or break these? You are an adult, so of course you will never get new teeth unless they would be fake. Would you hate me for that?” 

“Or perhaps you would hate me only if I would take something that’s more precious to a human.” Akechi lowered his head into the crook of thief’s neck and bit down on his ear lobe, “What if I stole from you your ability to _hear_? Or to _see_? To _feel_? To _breathe_?” His breath was ghosting around Akira’s neck, while one hand made its way towards raven’s chest and applied pressure. Ex-thief cried out in pain, tossing in his place as more coughing came out with blood, “Well, that can’t be good, can it?” 

Maybe this was it. _He was going to die,_ concluded the younger boy while the pain radiated all over his body. His nose was pulsing, his eye was numb and his ribs felt like sharp knives that were slowly killing him. Akira felt his eyes rolling to the back of his skull as power began to leave him. Akechi was everywhere. He could see him, feel him, touch him and smell him. His whole mind was filled up with the demon from his nightmares. 

Akira jumped up in his bed in panic. His whole body was shaking, as sweat was dripping down his face. Like a madman he was looking around the familiar bedroom for any signs that there was some trick in this and he was still asleep. Soon enough as memories of the nightmare repeated themselves in his head like a broken record over and over again, he broke down into uncontrollable sobs. 

“Akira?” He heard his lover finally sit up; woken up at so many loud sounds, “Hey- _Akira_ -!” Now Akechi looked scared himself, because he had never seen his boyfriend in such bad state before. The brunet attempted to put his hands on other’s shoulders but raven flinched away and even almost hit the detective on an instinct. 

“No! N-no! Not anymore!” The ex-thief was not sure what he was saying or to who he was talking to, “P-please no more.. _Please_..” his voice began to die out and slowly turn weak, quiet. 

“Hey, Akira. You’re awake. That was a dream. Can you hear me?” Akechi knew that he had to let go off his personal emotions for the moment and fully focus on calming down the other. This time he did not attempt to touch Akira, but that only meant that his two biggest bets were either talking him out of it or leaving him alone, “Akira, this was all a dream. You’re safe now.” 

“ _I-I’m n-never safe._ ” The horror settled into raven’s gut. Akechi of course couldn’t have possibly known that this talk was about _him_. That paranoia of getting destroyed by his lover was the nightmare that followed raven around, “N-never.” 

“I’ll keep you safe, Akira.” The detective argued back, “ _You’re safe with me_ , you hear me? I won’t let anyone hurt you.” The seriousness in his words had actually stunned the younger boy out of his trance, and he felt himself coming back more and more to reality, “Everything is okay. We are both home. Nothing will hurt you here.” The thief slowly nodded, and began taking deep breaths in and out, so that he would calm down, “Good boy. Keep doing that. Deep breaths.” Following the task like that like a little mindless puppet was easy, it brought strange comfort. As someone who used to always lead and had everyone relying on him, it felt marvelous to be able to let go like that around his lover. The only one who was capable of truly handling him, “Can I touch you?” After a pause, Akira nodded. 

The detective reached forward his arms and scooped his body closer, while hugging raven into his embrace. Thief’s mind raced when he heard a _crack_ in his mind - but he remembered - that was in the _dream_ , in reality Akechi was protecting him, not harming him. Their forms fit each other like two pieces of a puzzle; just right. 

“Are you okay with telling me with telling me what was it about?” No reaction came except for Akira burying himself further into the fabric of brunet’s T-shirt, trying to hide away from the world, “I’ll take that as a no. But that’s alright, maybe it’s better for you not to think about it.” 

“I’m sorry..” he apologized, because he knew that Akechi’s nightmares were a lot worse and he always reacted so composed. Yes, there were times when he was the one holding the detective away from falling into the depths of despair, but recently it was him being a weakling that he was. 

“What are you apologizing for?” Akechi retreated back and cupped his face, “For being human and showing fear? Panic? Akira - you have as much right to express your thoughts and feelings as anyone else in this world. It’s okay to—“ he got cut off with a small chuckle that came from raven. 

“ _It’s not,_ Goro. I don’t like this- _whatever_ this is. It’s an uncomfortable feeling. Makes me feel vulnerable, like I am an open target.” He had no idea how to form his words right, but detective was simply happy with the fact that he was talking things out. It might have been a weak attempt, but this was something. 

“Akira, remember what Ann talked with us about? That she knows a good doctor?” Akira tensed at that and looked down, “Why don’t we go for a visit?” 

“I’m not _sick_. _I’m fine_ , I don’t need a doctor.” Raven rolled his eyes and frowned. Sure, he was used to going to Takemi for _physical_ injuries because they were right there: _visible and treatable._ Meanwhile psychologists and psychiatrists sounded more like a scam. He was aware that there were people out there in true need for drugs to keep them stable, but he could neven imagine himself being one of those patients, “Don’t be absurd.” 

“I am not being absurd, I am being logical. You had been showing worrying signs for a while now.” Akechi began listing out symptoms as if he was preparing this speech in the past, “You began eating less, overworking yourself, you get sudden anxiety attacks, nightmares, you’ve been drinking more than usual — it’s just not like you. Why don’t we get that checked?” He could see why his friends and boyfriend were worried if his stance was that obvious. 

“I’m just going through a hard time, I will be okay soon. Trust me. There is no need to go to a doctor and make such a big problem out of nothing. They have more important business to handle.” Akira was still not cracking under the pressure while crossing his arms around his chest. He was keeping distance from this topic and tried to shield himself. His body language was speaking for him. 

“Akira.. Are you.. _Embarrassed_?” It clicked suddenly, and there was for a mere second a small jump from the other as if he were hit with a bullet, “Oh, _god_. _Akira_.” For some time they both stayed silent until, “Listen, not being okay is not something embarrassing. You’ve been through so much, it’s okay to sometimes ask for help instead of helping others.” The thief furrowed his eyebrows with frustration growing rapidly across his face. 

“You’ve been through a lot worse, I shouldn’t even-“ he stopped himself while leaning into Akechi again; his forehead rested on brunet’s shoulder, “I feel guilty for feeling the way I do, because I shouldn’t.” 

“Why does it matter what happened to me when the matter is about _you_? We are two completely different people who feel, see and go through things in a completely different way. Stop making everything about others and be selfish at least for _once_. You are hurting, suffering. If we don’t do something now - who knows what is going to happen in the near future? I don’t want to take any risks with you.” The raven was not saying anything, but brunet knew that he was listening. 

“You constantly tell me that I also deserve to be happy. But how can I be happy when I see you fall apart like that daily? If you can’t go to the doctor for yourself, then do it for me.” There was a small gasp, that soon turned into a sob and the detective felt his T-shirt getting soaked with something warm, “ _Shhh_.” He whispered while petting his boyfriend’s head, and starting to play with the locks of his hair, “You’re going to be okay, you hear me? _You are going to be okay.”_

_Maybe one day he was going to be okay, when he was going to finally stop being afraid of Akechi._


End file.
